While it’s true that Title IX is best known for the legal requirement that academic spending benefit girls and boys equally — which has most notably opened the door to a variety of sports opportunities for girls and women — the 1972 anti-discrimination law also is used to protect students from bullying, protect pregnant women from harassment, and even to require college campuses to maintain a safe space free of sexual violence.

Indeed, thanks to Title IX girls can do a lot more than cheerleading (not that there’s anything wrong with cheerleading). But now girls and women can choose from a whole host of sports. In 2006-07 school year, 41% of high school athletes were girls. That’s amazing!

Now comes the not-so-great news: We’ve still got a lot of work to do.

For evidence, we need look no further than the news that for the first time, female boxers are going to be able to compete in the Olympics later this year. That’s the good news. The bad news? The International Amateur Boxing Association is debating making female fighters wear skirts to participate. What an insult! In fact, you can tell them what you think of that idea here.

All this comes back to that fragile balance between allowing women to fully participate in all aspects of society — including sports — and maintaining the gender status-quo. It’s threatening to some people that women will be boxing in the Olympics. Boxing is for men, right? So the solution is to put the women in skirts — just so we’re all clear who has the mammary glands. Well, I’m no boxer, but I don’t think the women in the ring have any trouble remembering that they are women as well as boxers. And if anyone in the audience has trouble discerning what gender the fighters are, well, who cares?

We’ve come a long way in 40 years, but we still have a lot of work to do. I hope by the time my daughter is my age, she will be laughing at this controversy because it’s so antiquated compared to the equality that girls and women have in sports at that time.

This post is part of the national blog carnival celebrating Title IX and is in partnership with the National Women’s Law Center and National Women and Girls in Sports Day.

Some examples:

@LisaMaatz: Asshat move of Day: @Komenforthecure ceases funding4 breast cancer screening4 low-income women at @PPact http://bit.ly/xichxq#fem2#woc

@AbigailCollazo: Dear @PPact@CecileRichards, FYI, even if 100% of your $ went to providing abortion services, I’d still support you. RT if you agree! #fem2

Or as one of my friends on Facebook said, “Shred those pink ribbons and start supporting Breast Cancer Action.”

Clearly, this is a big upset in the pro-choice and feminist continuum.

And Susan G. Komen has already been in hot water with some of us, especially after revelations early last year that only 17% percent of the fundraising giant’s $331 million take in 2009 went to funding breast cancer research. It turns out, they spent more money on lawyers in 2009 than research. Well, they need those lawyers, after all, to snuff out any use of “For the Cure,” its trademarked slogan. And to handle tricky perfume situations. And all those other pink ribbon products…

But what does it say when Komen, one of the largest and best-funded breast cancer organizations in America, decides to back the anti-choice team? What does it say about their commitment to helping women — especially low-income women — prevent, diagnose, and/or treat breast cancer?

It says that women — especially low-income women — don’t matter.

And that’s a big message coming from an organization founded by a woman looking for a cure for a disease that almost exclusively attacks women. Tell that to the 170,000 women who were screened for breast cancer at a Planned Parenthood clinic with Komen dollars during the past five years. (PS: Komen is a non-profit, which means those dollars have to go somewhere. So who’s going to get the breast cancer screening money now?)

Worse still, this decision by Komen says to me that all they care about is money. Money over people. Money over purpose. Just wash it down with a little pink. Pink makes it all better.

Well, money and dead fetuses. It always comes back to dead fetuses…

This decision is not about forces outside of Komen. This decision comes from within its own ranks — the foundation’s senior vice president of public policy is none other than Sarah Palin-endorsed Karen Handel, who ran on an anti-choice platform in an unsuccessful bid for governor in Georgia in 2010. That platform included defunding Planned Parenthood, even for screenings for breast cancer and cervical cancer.

So now women can’t get screened for breast cancer because Planned Parenthood also provides other health care options? Is Komen suggesting that I not go get my mammogram this year, which my insurance covers if I get performed at a local hospital, because there might be an abortion performed at that same hospital, too? … Because that’s the logic train they are on now.

But in our anger about this turn of events, let’s not lose sight of the real issue here — the anti-choice team is playing the old “divide and conquer” card.

Until now, Komen has enjoyed a massive good-faith following in the women’s movement. I’ve participated in and raised money for four Komen races, as have dozens of my friends and colleagues. With this one decision, Komen will divide not just our community but the community at large about which breast cancer organization is worthy of donations. Meanwhile, Planned Parenthood is out nearly half a million dollars in grant money it was getting from Komen.

I don’t know how they managed it, but suddenly the War on Women has unearthed a whole new battlefield. But quibbling about which breast cancer organization is the best and most worthy of donations is a red herring. That’s where the anti-choice groups want us to be looking — and fighting about. Let’s keep our eyes on the prize here.

Now more than ever is a good time to donate to Planned Parenthood to ensure that women retain access to affordable health care, in all its forms.

While watching Kourtney & Kim Take New York and Real Housewives of Atlanta (ATL is the best one!) a thought occurred to me that these shows are pretty telling about the hetero-normative value-structure of marriage in our society. I know some of you are shaking your heads.

What could Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marriage say about the real value of marriage in our society? What could the multiple divorce plotlines (and kept-woman/mistress plotlines) of the combined Real Housewives franchises say about how seriously marriage is valued? Plenty!

After all, what’s more central to the American narrative than the White Picket Fence storyline? That picture isn’t complete without Mom, Dad, 2.5 kids, and the family dog. But the White Picket Fence story is just that, a story. It’s not reality — and I’m not just talking about TV. The reality is that Americans are postponing marriage, co-habitating more, and the divorce rate is still very high (with Nevada as one of the highest!).

Because we’re in a presidential election year and the news is abuzz with all the Republicans making their way through the congo line of primaries/caucuses, we’re hearing a lot about “family values,” the definition of marriage (hint: it’s not for “the gays”), and all the ways that women are too stupid to manage their own bodies. If the South Carolina primary results are any indication, news that Newt Gingrich asked his second (now ex) wife for an open marriage, is not such a big deal, which is funny if you don’t remember the Clinton Inquisition. (But it might be a bigger problem then it seems at the moment, since research shows that 62% of Republicans view adultery as a big deal.)

But all of this just points to the elephant (no pun intended) in the room all the more!

Political (of all stripes) candidates trip over themselves trying to show how much they represent the White Picket Fence ideal (and often don’t). Celebrities want to bathe themselves in the spotlight of wedded-bliss of media-darlingness. Even if their marriage crumbles like a house of cards Kardashian-style (or is that Britney-style?) or a mere year, Russel Brand-style.

If you think that pop culture and politics are not mirroring back what our true ideals are, then you are genuinely out of touch with reality:

• One-third (!!) of teen mothers didn’t use birth control because they didn’t think they could get pregnant… Hmm, sound like some Teen Moms?
• Americans are way more cool with co-habitation (especially if it leads to marriage) than in the old days, ala Kim Z. on Real Housewives of Atlanta and Kourtney Kardashian.
• And, let’s face it, we’ve come a long way from the days when the inclusion of an openly gay and HIV-positive roommate, Pedro Zamora, on the Real World seemed scandalous. Well, maybe not a long way. But a lot more people say that homosexuality should be accepted now than 20 years ago.

I’m not saying that everything on reality TV is realistic or even a good example of how people should live. In fact, in most cases I think these shows reveal the worst in people. From wig-pulling to sexist competitions to homophobic and racist comments, there’s a lot about reality TV that is very, very wrong. And not in the good way.

But I can’t help but wonder if what reality TV is less fun-house mirror and more junior-high yearbook.

Happily married, I will celebrate 15 years with my husband this June. He’s my high school sweetheart. Ours is a story that so few have today. It is, in some ways, the White Picket Fence. But because of that, our story is completely different than so many around us and so many people I meet. I come from parents who have divorced many times over. And at the age of 35, I have more friends in my peer group who are or have been divorced than not.

This is not about touting my life or putting down anyone else. Marriage, like becoming a parent, is a deeply personal experience (and one that should be allowed for all people). And each individual has to decide if it is right for them. Each marriage has its ups and downs and only the people in it can decide if it is successful and happy. And it’s nobody’s business but those people.

But reality TV turns this personal experience into a very public spectacle — from love and courting to engagement to marriage and divorce — it’s all on display. People can live-tweet their opinions while the episode about someone’s life airs.It’s almost macabre to me to see the tweets scroll by on E! as the latest Kardashian episode airs, in which Kim tearfully tells her sister that she doesn’t want to be married anymore. Indeed, it reminds me of when I was in junior high and witnessed my friend breaking up with a boy I liked.

Now, I realize that almost all reality TV is staged in various ways and even scripted at times. I am not suggesting that what we see in reality TV is pure, unedited documentary. But there is only so much you can script and strategically frame. Some of what gets captured is just who those people are. Nobody is “on” all the time!

So when Kim cries to her sister, there’s a part of me that is thinking, “I didn’t know you were such a good actress.” But there’s another part of me that feels like even though the scene might be staged for full effect, that her remorse for being in that situation might just be coming from a very real place. And that part of me, the part that sees the humanity in these reality TV stars, feels bad. It feels a little like misery mining. Are any of these reality TV participants ever really paid the full value for how much of themselves they give away? Is being famous worth it? Because after the cameras are gone and they are alone with themselves, I wonder if there is ever a moment when they think that maybe, just maybe, the private spaces of their lives was not worth some (fleeting) money or some (fleeting) fame.

But in the meantime, I think reality TV says a lot about our values. The pandering, the staging, the egos, the fame-seeking manipulation, the lowest-common-denominator plotlines… it’s all just giving us what we want. And Americans are nothing if not narcissists!

I told you reality TV was my guilty pleasure. It makes me feel so guilty I won’t be able to watch anymore… until the next time I get sick.

Originally posted on Fem2.0 and The Tired Feminist.

It was a wonderfully refreshing event that was very inspirational to my pro-choice and progressive activism!

Even though, in my sinus-infection recovery, I talked until I lost my voice (I’m aware of the irony), the event also served as a great reminder for how important it is that we all use our voices to stay connected with each other and for raising awareness about the work we do and why it’s so important. I dare say that women’s health care choices have never been under so great an array of attacks since at least Roe v. Wade passed nearly 40 years ago.

As a converted pro-choice Republican addressed the room, he probably delivered one of the most powerful testimonies about the effectiveness of our voices. But we have to keep having those conversations and making those connections, be they at the office watercooler, sitting next to someone at church, or while waiting for class to start. It is through the passion of our convictions and the truth in our purpose that we change people’s minds. And it is incumbent upon all of us to ensure that the rights we have today are not only preserved for ourselves, but for our children, too.

When it comes to equal pay for equal work, I’m afraid women are in for a long wait.

The Equal Pay Act, which is supposed to prohibit any form of discrimination based on sex, was passed in 1963. That’s almost 50 years we’ve been waiting for wage equity! Hell, it’s going to take an additional 107 days into this year for women to just catch up to the wages a man made for the same job in 2011.

Women still make 78 cents to every dollar a man makes. In a failing economy, those cents really start adding up. Imagine what struggling families could do if they had that much more salary to live on!

In fact, Newsweek did just that: 8 months’ worth of groceries for a family of four. Or how about this number: $1.2 million. That’s how much less a female college graduate will earn compared to a man over a lifetime. Indeed, childless, full-time working women make 23 percent less than their male counterparts 10 years post graduation. (So much for the mommy track ruining your earning potential. Just have a vagina and you’re already screwed.) And the kicker? If we paid women the same as men the national GDP would go up by an estimated 9 percent!

Are you kidding me?

I’m glad we have the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. But it’s just one step. And we have miles to go before we sleep when it comes to the pay gap issue. Let’s not kid ourselves, the effects of pay inequality are felt by all of us. (Isn’t that what the Occupy Wall Street movement was about?) It’s time to stop looking at this as a “women’s issue” and face the reality that it’s a national economic issue.

It’s time for fair pay. Now!

These very humble origin stories make athletes intoxicating heroes. And that’s why they must be held accountable when they stumble or fall. They must be made an example, because they are the what we wish we could be on our best of days.

And we’ve seen that play out in almost every major sport:

• Football star Michael Vick‘s animal abuse
• Basketball star Kobe Bryant’s recent hate speech directed at a ref
• Baseball’s Mel Hall is currently serving a sentence of 45 years for rape and sexual assault
• In fact, see a list of crimes by pro athletes across multiple sports here

Surely, in huge professional sports clubs like the National Football League and the National Basketball Association, there will be a few bad apples or bad scenarios from time to time. What matters is how those events are handled. And whether it’s because of a sense of right and wrong or merely a glance at the bottom line, major sports franchises, players, and organizations are looking at the issues of hate speech, sexual assault, and even bullying with a critical eye. Last year, NBA Commissioner David Stern said that professional athletes are role models and that hate speech cannot be tolerated.

The fact that professional sports organizations are publicly saying that hate speech is wrong is important. And meaningful. This is the responsibility part of being a hero.

And this is why it’s time for the UFC to step up.

In November 2011 I joined the fight to get the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) to enact a code of conduct, following a rape joke tweet by fighter Forrest Griffin. But since then, there’s been a spate of offensive tweets and public comments joking about rape and the sexual abuse scandal at Penn State. Meanwhile, they have had what can almost be called a legacy of anti-gay public remarks and outbursts.

The UFC has signed a reported $700 million deal with FOX Sports and will premier in prime time this year. Their ubiquity is a sign that they are entering the Big Leagues of sports. I can’t turn on the TV or drive down a freeway without seeing some sign of the UFC. So it is time that they act like they are in the Big Leagues and enact a code of conduct, similar to those of other major sports organizations including the NFL and NBA.

As the survivor of sexual violence, this cause is very personal for me.

You see, UFC fighters are rewarded for the popularity of their tweets and the effectiveness of their use of social media. There are monetary bonuses, in fact. So, when Forrest Griffin, Miguel Torres and Rashad Evans joked about rape — each of them making direct or indirect illusions to the Penn State scandal — it is more than just offensive (although that would be enough). It is as if the UFC is rewarding the behavior of perpetrators of sexual violence. (Interestingly, Griffin was rewarded as one of the most creative users of twitter!) When Rashad Evans joked that he was going to, “put my hands on you worse than that dude did to them other kids at Penn State,” well, that was like joking about the man who put his hands all over my body. Look me in the eye, Mr. Evans, Mr. Griffin, Mr. Torres, and yes, even Mr. UFC President Dana White, and tell me how it’s funny that a man put his hands all over me when I was a child.

The only way we change attitudes about sexual violence is through public discourse and to act as a society to stop it. And there is evidence that awareness campaigns and calls for greater societal standards does change minds — just look at the evolution of “wife beating” to domestic violence and the Violence Against Women Act. In fact, VAWA has been helpful on the sexual violence front, too. (Report, PDF)

Joking about rape and off-color remarks about sexual violence are not only offensive, but they are deeply hurtful to those who have survived such experiences. It can be a trigger for survivors to feel a whole host of difficult emotions, including anger, sadness, depression, shame, and frustration. For society as a whole, it is a terrible marker for the pervasiveness of rape culture and its bullying effect on the hearts and minds of women, men, girls, boys, transgendered individuals, LGBT people and more. Joking about rape and sexual abuse is an admission that taking away someone’s power is not only “funny” but somehow acceptable and even encouraged.

If you feel like me, that it’s time the UFC grew up and enacted a code of conduct, please take a moment now and sign this petition.

PPSN’s Voices for Choice event is this Saturday January 28th!

Saturday January 28th 7 – 9 pm

PPSN on Charleston (3220 W. Charleston Blvd.)

Celebrate the 39th anniversary of Roe v. Wade by stepping up and speaking out about what having the right to choose means to you!

Express yourself through poetry, art, music – whatever you want!

Feel free to bring, display or perform your pro-choice works of art!

$5.00 donation suggested

Refreshments and Wine will be provided!

If you would like to display art at the event, or if you have any questions, please contact Annette Magnus at annette.magnus@pprm.org.

I know from first-hand experience how pivotal an internship can be in shaping a burgeoning career. When I was in college, I got an internship at a magazine that gave me a foundation in journalism and taught me skills I still use today! I feel that I am ready to pay that forward to the right candidate.

Here’s what you’ll get:

• One-on-one mentorship with a professional writer/journalist/blogger (me).
• The chance to have your work appear on a nationally syndicated blog.
• Hands-on experience ranging from writing, editing, social media, and grassroots organizing.
• Networking opportunities with other professionals in the field and other activists.

Here are some of the attributes I’m looking for:

• A belief in reproductive choice (aka being pro-choice) and the equality of all people (including the LGBTQ community) is a must.
• Some demonstrated writing ability -AND/OR- a demonstrated ability to do graphics/photography. *Note: Work samples do not have to be previously published, but I do need something I can see. Bonus points if you have actual clips.
• A desire to learn and/or expand your knowledge of the editing and writing process from a professional point-of-view.
• Some experience in grassroots organizing. It’s not required, but will come in handy.
• An ideal candidate will have some combination of experience with writing, editing, activism (and possibly photography).
• The ability to work autonomously and without the need for me to manage your schedule. I can barely manage my own schedule, I will not manage yours.
• Strict adherence to deadlines. Like all people I have faults but in my 17-year career, I can still count on just one hand how many times I have missed a deadline. Missing deadlines is an absolute deal-breaker with me. Period.
• Some college experience is helpful but not required.
• English does not have to be your first language but the ability to work in English is a must, as I do not speak enough of any other language to sufficiently help someone with writing in any other language.
• The goes-without-saying stuff: Punctual, respectful, reliable transportation, hygienic (I deal with dirty diapers. My stink quotient is already met.), motivated, adventurous (grassroots organizing and blogging are not necessarily “in the box” kind of spaces), ability to deal with a toddler at times when childcare falls through, and other stuff I’m probably forgetting right now.

If this internship sounds interesting to you please submit the following by JAN. 27, 2012:

• A cover or introduction letter
• Resume
• List of at least three references (with at least two of them being academic/professional)
• Links/PDFs/image files to no more than three clips (hard copies will only be considered because of mitigating factors and on a case-by-case basis). DO NOT SEND ME LARGE FILES. If you have large files, contact me first and we’ll go from there.

Send materials by email to thesincitysiren[at]yahoo[dot]com. Please make sure to have a subject line that identifies you as an internship candidate to avoid getting filtered to spam. And make sure to provide me with the means to contact you. **DO NOT CALL ME.

Good Luck!

True, there was the one gem quote: Women should get equal pay for equal work.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

I think I can speak for my long-dead grandmother — an OBGYN nurse and a single mother who raised three daughters on a Midwestern cattle farm — to say, “You mean you still don’t have equal pay in 2012? What are you people doing?!”

What indeed.

For one thing, we’ve been working our asses off trying to protect against attacks on the most basic of human rights from the men (it’s pretty much always men) who would see a genocide of women before they would acquiesce one iota to respect the personal bodily autonomy and the right to make medical decisions for ourselves. I don’t seek laws to stand between a doctor and an erectile dysfunction patient or someone seeking life-saving cancer treatment, why is it that when the debate shifts to the uterus, all hell breaks loose? And this fight has been brutal, sometimes bloody, and yes, sometimes deadly.

True, we’ve managed to hold off the religious right — for now — on the issue of birth control coverage. And we did manage to get universal contraceptive coverage in the new health care law.

So, to recap: We can have sex but the buck stops there on the freedoms and autonomy we have over our own bodies.

Not that any of that was mentioned in the State of the Union…

So if the only bone Obama was willing to throw to women was a reference to pay inequality in 2012 — or rather, that we shouldn’t have pay inequality — where was the follow-up statement declaring what he was going to do about it? He mentioned quite a few new task forces and crack-downs on waste and government inefficiency. He mentioned programs to put veterans back to work as cops and firefighters. He mentioned investing in teachers. In fact, he spent the lion’s share of his speaking time discussing the ways we should all pitch in to help get the economy back on track.

So, where’s the task force on pay equality? Where’s the program to invest in the income equality of women? Where’s the tax breaks to businesses who not only bring jobs back from overseas, but bring wages to an equal standard between their male and female employees? (My apologies to my transgender readers, but the pay equity discussion is difficult to do without the gender binary.)

A large body of research shows us that when women are paid fairly and equitably, it raises the standard of living in communities across the board — from groceries on the table to raising the national GDP — because women are more than just people who (might) have a uterus and boobies. Women are also part of the tax-paying, home-owning, economy stimulating population. In fact, women make better investors than men.

There are other things I didn’t like about Obama’s speech tonight and some things I did. But far and away, the most glaring omission of the night was virtually ignoring half of the population. One throw-away admission is not enough! Especially when that issue — equal pay for women — would make a substantial difference in the biggest problem our country faces right now: The Economy!

Near the end of his speech Obama said one of the things that makes America great is that we “got each other’s backs.” I agree! But Mr. President, I don’t feel like you got my back right now. Where have you been on the issue of women’s reproductive health? Barely present. And the one issue you deemed fit to include in your SOTU, you gave less than cursory interest to.

Women deserve better! President Obama, you need to have our backs!

But the more I’ve been thinking about it, the more it makes sense. After all, politicians use music all the time to evoke certain feelings and convey messages — from Bill Clinton’s use of Fleetwood Mac’s Don’t Stop as an anthem during the 1992 presidential campaign to Michele Bachmann’s (illegal — turns out “free market” doesn’t mean everything is free) use of Tom Petty’s American Girl. These songs are touchstones to deep wells of emotions in the voting public. They tap into the kind of image candidates want to project. They usually have a good beat. And most of the time, there is something about them that makes you feel validated and good about backing that candidate. You know, I don’t want to stop believing in tomorrow, Bill Clinton! And, hey, I’m an American — why wouldn’t I want to vote for an American Girl?

But you know, sometimes anthems are picked by the people, not the candidate. Kind of like nicknames, eh Mr. Ass Juice Santorum? To that end, I’ve selected my own soundtrack for the (current) top contenders for the Republican nomination. And if they should be playing these songs as the candidates roll through town in the run-up to the Feb. 4 Republican caucus here in Nevada… well you’re welcome. (And I hope you get permission first.)

1. Newt Gingrich — Womanizer, Britney Spears: I know. I know. You’re thinking this is the obvious choice, given Newt’s track record with wives, but hear me out. Newt is not just trying to play all these women. (By the way, how much does he wish that South Carolina governor had waited just a little while longer to go on his trip to Argentina.) He’s also trying to play voters. He’s trying to make us all forget just enough, or rather, remember just enough about the old Contract with America days and buy into his shiny new branding: The conservative statesmen. And while I would never call him progressive, it’s pretty obvious that he only signs on the dotted line of the hard-core conservative doctrines when his back is against the wall and pandering is his only card left to play. Let’s face it, Newt must have something going for him, cause it ain’t his rugged ham-faced looks and it ain’t money. Look at you, gettin’ more than just a re-up/Baby, you got all the puppets with their strings up/Fakin’ like a good one but I call it like I see ‘em/I know what you are, what you are, baby… And PS: No need to fear that Britney might cringe at this pairing. She has raised money for the GOP… Plus, tell me you don’t think of Newt with these lyrics: You say I’m crazy/ I got your crazy.
2. Mr. Ass Juice Santorum — Stranglehold, Ted Nugent: If you didn’t already want to burn me at the stake for pairing Britney and Newt, I’m pretty sure you are sending someone out for the pitchforks right about now. How could I give Santorum such a, well, juicy rock song? It’s true, Stranglehold may be one of The Nuge’s best-known songs besides Cat Scratch Fever and possibly one of the greatest guitar lines in American rock. (For my readers who are not about to rock, Stranglehold is the guitar line in the latest Volkswagen commercial in which a boy grows into a man always on the search for a faster ride.) But like The Nuge, Santorum brings misogyny, homophobia and hatred for everything that is unlike him wherever he goes — including the lyics of the iconic song, which are quite literally about domestic violence against a woman who ran away from him. You ran that night you left me/You put me in my place/Got you in a stranglehold now baby/Then I crushed your face. Seriously. It’s disturbed. And not unlike our friend, Mr. Ass Juice, who would have condemned his own wife to die rather than have an abortion. So, you know, you can take your personhood pledge and shove it because Mr. Ass Juice is HARDCORE when it comes to hating women! But also, I pick this song for Santorum because I think it would be hilarious to see a pinhead white guy in a sweatervest try to “rock” to The Nuge (who is a raging Republican, in case you didn’t know).
3. Mitt Romney — Stayin’ Alive, The Bee Gees: I admit, I was a little stumped with Mittsy. I mean, what can you say about him that is categorically that different from the other two. He’s a rich white guy who hates women and gays. He’s Mormon, which for some conservative Christian circles is pretty revolutionary. So there’s that. But really, the attack on Mittsy has pretty much been, “But Gosh darn it he is just soooo rich!” I mean, when I see soundbites of Newt declaring himself the “people’s grassroots candidate,” which I saw on the nightly news tonight — well, I had to double-check we weren’t in the Bizarro Universe. Mittsy does have the best head of hair of the leading Republican contenders — especially now that The Hairdo is gone (remember him?). He’s got a lock on the actual family values set with his glossy campaign ads where he charmingly “forgets” he’s been married 25, oops, 42 years. Aw. Cue: Footage of happy couple walking in a field while the voice over says he’d defend God and/or country if president. Because I guess it’s important to distinguish that if it came down to a choice between America and God, Mitt has already made up his mind. I mean, the ad is pretty amazing. In one fell swoop he knocks out Newt for infidelity and takes a swipe at Santorum’s Christian bona fides. (I mean, he says he loves Jesus, but does he really love Jesus?) But when it came down to it, Mittsy is just too pretty. Come on, wouldn’t you like to see him dazzling a gold medallion in a swath of chest hair? And, let’s face it, the violent mood swings of this Republican primary/caucus season could see a dazzling Romney clawing his way back just to stay alive.
4. Ron Paul — My Prerogative, Bobby Brown: Like the Ross Perot of this election cycle (they crop up like weeds every few presidential cycles) Ron Paul is the scary candidate that we all can’t believe is still actually in this thing. I mean, even I had Bachmann out-pacing Ron Paul. But like Perot, Ron Paul is just out there with his crazy. They say I’m crazy I really don’t care/That’s my prerogative… need I really say more?